I'm Going to be Okay!!!Someday!

Im sitting in a coffee shop drinking coffee and listening to christian music. I have it on You tube and its randomly playing songs. Let your heart beat again, You Say, Just be held, see a pattern here. God always knows just what we need to hear when we need to hear it.
I'm missing Brett especially bad today, no particular reason, it's not an anniversary of any sort. Just a beautiful day and I just really miss him, his touch, kissing him good morning, having our morning coffee together, starting our day together. You're Going to be Okay is a new song I haven't heard before but it is very powerful. I know with God I will be okay, maybe not today or tomorrow but one day I will be. Right now I'm just taking it one second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time. I have already had so much amazing help from all my friends, whether we have sat and drank coffee over conversation , or you have prayed for me after reading one of my posts, or I have woke you up accidentally by crying, some have brightened my day with sweet packages. Friend or family so many of you have helped with my journey, some of you knew him some of you only knew him through me and what you've heard or read. It has all made a difference in me just getting out of bed in the morning and moving forward. So Thank you each and everyone along this tough journey.

Before It's too late!

My thought for the day... Don't let another minute go by ignoring a loved one because of something someone told you about them. We aren't promised tomorrow. Pick up the phone, text them or better yet go see them and talk about it. You may be surprised by the truth. Or you may have regret the rest of your life when it ends up being too late. Life is just too short !

Realizations

Today has been 28 weeks since my sweet husband, Brett Ansley passed away. Last Thursday at 1am I had a melt down. For the first time in 28 weeks I realized that he is never coming back, I will never see him on this earth again. He won't come up behind me while Im doing dishes and give me a hug, he won't bring me coffee in bed or wake me up snoring. He won't calm me when things around me are raging and make no sense. He won't tell me everything will be alright or that he loves me ever again. I don't understand how I am just now realizing this. How  6 months and 13 days have gone by and I haven't realized this. Is it denial? We have never in our married life spent 28 wks apart, has my mind been playing tricks on me? It was a moment that I will never forget, feeling everything is so final. I was at his funeral and spoke about him and what an awesome man , husband, dad, son  and Papa he was. I kissed him that day and said I love you , see you later. I tried to make everything just right. I didn't cry that day because I knew if I started I would never stop, because I wanted to be strong for my daughter, son and grandkids. But shouldn't I have realized I would never see him here again? I miss him so badly I can't breathe at times. I sit and look at his chair and long for him to be there. I wear his flannel shirts to feel closer to him and smell his aftershave to remember his scent. I know in my heart it was his time and Gods time for him to go and I wouldn't have wanted him to stay here because I wasn't ready for him to go because that wouldn't be fair to him to suffer any more then he already had. But oh how I would love to argue with him about something stupid and then make up or have him come in the kitchen and give me a hug or wake up with his snoring. Or tell me he loved me just one more time. One of the last conversations we had was him saying he would love to live long enough to see his grandkids graduate or get married and have kids. Oh how I wished that too. I hope he gets to watch the good stuff from heaven.