Remembering.

12:40 am on 1/15/1997 go in to tuck you in and turn off the T.V and say good night. You have been up way past your normal bedtime watching the Tonight Show. I say" I think Brett should come and look at you, you look pale." You reply "No momma I'm okay." I start to put your sheep skin blankets between your knees and elbows, you say"Momma I don't need those any more. I fuss at you a little "now don't wait till I get in bed and then decide you do." You reply "I won't, I don't need them any more." Not till later do I find this odd and very telling.

12:45 am I get almost in bed and realize I haven't told you I love you. I start to go back but then think I will tell you when I come back in a little while to turn you over.This decision I regret to this day, 19 yrs later.

2:15 am I wake in a panic when I see what time it it. I am usually turning you over at least twice by now. Brett assures me it's okay, saying you have the baby monitor you will hear him if he needs you. You need to get some sleep. Maybe the new meds are working and he is finally getting some sleep.

6:05 am I wake to Brett making coffee I hear Princeton meowing. He is probably at the coffee pot with Brett reaching up with his front paws to say good morning while Brett makes coffee. I jump up out of bed in a panic because I haven't turned you all night. My feet hit the floor  but something isn't quit right. I'm not sure what it is but something is very wrong. I slowly go in the hallway, to your doorway, I call your name, "Joey"…I wait and call your name again "Joey".. I will call your name 2 more times before reaching your bed. Then I scream out, this too I regret to this day. I think I scream "NO oh God No!" Brett comes running to see what is wrong. The minute he saw me he knew. He told me to call Tammy. I do and wait for her to come. In the meantime your little sister wakes up. She doesn't immediately come out of her room. She heard my screams and I am certain she knew you were gone…gone to soon. The most of this day is a blur from here on out.